The Value of Rituals
I had never been able to see any value in rituals that included the memorization of scriptures, poems, or great quotes from literature until I had a life changing experience.
The background: I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Within the church we are asked to be responsible for part of the mechanics of making the church meetings and events happen. Many years ago I was asked to work with the Young Women: girls ages 12 to 18. The Church leadership has asked all of us, the Young Women and their leaders, to memorize a theme and repeat it each week at our meeting. At the time I thought it was a dumb idea. It was long and cumbersome in my opinion. I really didn’t envision it being of any great value to the girls, but I memorized it and said it with the girls each week. The first line is: “We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him.”
Fast forward a decade: One evening after I had the kids tucked in bed, Jim and I were sitting in the living room talking. A Michael Bolton CD was playing, “Soul Provider.” I was thinking that I was Jim’s soul provider and that we had a very intimate relationship. Then Jim said, “I work with a girl that I am very attracted to, and if you don’t lose some weight I am going to pursue this relationship.” As you can imagine I was crushed; it would have been less painful for him to rip my heart out of my chest, toss it on the floor, and stomp on it. I was in shock but did at least have the presence of mind to ask Jim to leave the house.
He came back a week later and we pretended nothing had happened. I was in zombie mode, taking care of all of my home and family responsibilities without feeling anything. In my heartbroken state, I was eating incredible amounts of comfort food. I knew that if I ate come cookie dough I would feel better about my life and, of course, my kids needed a treat after school. This continued for several months. I was becoming more and more discouraged and my pants seemed to be shrinking each time I washed them.
In December I was expected to go to Jim’s Christmas work party. I squeezed myself into a pair of slacks and a Christmas sweater and went. I knew all the girls Jim worked with and, by deduction, had figured out exactly which girl he was attracted to. All evening long I watched her. She was so beautiful, slender, and charming. She was in her element with all of her friends and co-workers, laughing and talking. I felt like a fat blob; I was trying to stay in the background and go unnoticed. As I sat in my corner watching her open her Christmas gift, feeling as if my heart was withering and dying, a distinct voice came into my head. It was a loving male voice; he said, “You are a daughter of Heavenly Father, he loves you, and you love Him.” I suddenly felt embraced by God’s unmistakable love. The memory of that experience carried me through the next few years of pain as my marriage ended.
I had not heard or repeated the Young Women Theme for 12 years when this happened, but when I needed it was sent to me in the most powerful way. This is a powerful example of the value of rituals we create in our life. You never know when a small act you have repeated over and over may be the life raft you need when you are sinking into the depths of despair or you are tempted to do something that is outside of your value system.
My desire is that this example will encourage you to develop some sort of theme, mantra, or declaration for your life, one that gives you value and direction. Memorize it and repeat it daily. When a scripture or quote touches you, memorize and repeat it. I promise you that when you experience a trial that seems insurmountable, your theme, scripture, or quote will pop into your mind and give you the strength you need. It will provide peace of mind and help you endure your challenges and make the decisions that need to be made.