Am I Being Totally Honest?

I’ve always thought of honesty in its most basic forms. Stealing, embezzling, and lying about where you are and what you are doing is obviously dishonest. But there’s more to living an honest life than avoiding these behaviors. Let’s take this a step further. Let’s talk about being honest with yourself. This involves honesty about your motives, about why you do what you do. It also involves being honest about the lies you may tell yourself.

I know that sounds odd, but hear me out. Sometimes when we justify or make excuses, what we’re really doing is lying. The best way to illustrate this is with some examples. Let’s start with some common lies we tell ourselves:

I will never be good enough.
One piece of fudge won’t hurt.
He or she needs me for this, he or she can’t take care of it himself or herself.
I have to manage everything or it won’t work out.
I am not drinking too much.
I can diet tomorrow.
God doesn’t love me.
Just once.
I will never be as (pretty, good, loved) as he or she is.
No one likes me.
My contribution doesn’t matter.
I am not an overeater.
What they don’t know, won’t hurt them.
My habits don’t affect anyone else.
I must control my life.
It’s my life!

This list could go on and on.

I have determined that I have three great commodities in my life. I call them commodities because once they’ve been used, I cannot get them back. I get to choose how I use them, but I still struggle with being honest about my choices. It takes conscious focus every day to remain truthful in these areas. They are: the way I use my time, the way I use my money, and the way I use my body (including how I eat, sleep and exercise).

Time is our first and ever present commodity. Everyone that breathes air has been given 24 hours of it each and every day of his or her life. People choose to spend their hours in various ways. Spending our time is not dishonest, the lies come when we justify how we spend that time. When I use unplanned time mindlessly watching TV or Netflix, scrolling through Facebook or Pinterest, and then make the excuse that I didn’t have time to get something done, I am being dishonest. I’m not saying that these are things I should never do, but I need to be aware that doing them is a choice and that spending my time this way may mean that I don’t get something else done.

On the other hand, sometimes important things come into my life and interrupt what I had planned for the moment. Too often I feel the need to make excuses when it comes to these things. But these lies are unnecessary. I must just learn to be at peace with how my day was spent and not lie about why I spent it the way I did.

Our second commodity is money. The way each of us chooses to spend it, is different. We all have different incomes and different priorities. Where we run into problems is, again, when we are dishonest with ourselves about our decisions. When I purchase things that are not within my monthly budget and then tell myself that I will make up for it later, it often puts me into a bind. I need to be honest, I need to say to myself: If I purchase this, it will mean that my ________ payment will be made late or I won’t have the money I want to do _______. Is this purchase that important to me?

Our third commodity is our body. We’ve all been given a body, a home for our spirit in this lifetime. Our bodies are individual, each with its own size, shape, color, and ailments, but we can all treat our bodies with the respect and love they deserve. Unlike time and money, which we continue to have more of, we only have one body. As we do things that harm it, it may become impossible to return to complete health. So what does this have to do with honesty? Some illustrations may help us answer this question: When I eat something that is harmful to my body or eat too much of something, I tend to lie and say my diet is ruined for the whole day so I may as well eat and eat and eat all day. The honest thing to do would be to say: “That tasted good, now I am choosing to eat wholesome food for the rest of the day.” If I use substances that harm my body because it makes me feel better about my life for a short time, I may untruthfully say that I have to have them to survive. Often I lie to myself about not really needing that sleep. Or I tell myself that if I work hard enough during the day, I don’t need to exercise. In each of these examples, the lie is that I can fix it later. Yet each time we abuse our physical body, damage is done.

As I work to overcome my shortcomings, I am beginning to realize how often I have lied to myself. One lie I use often, I learned from the movie Gone with the Wind. In the movie, Scarlett O’Hara has struggled to maintain her lifestyle through the civil war. She has just lost Rhett, the love of her life, and she says: “After all, tomorrow is another day.” I know that this is a message of hope, a reminder that that things can get better, but too often these words become an excuse for things we do or don’t do in our lives. That’s when they become crippling. When we do things that don’t align who we want to be or with the goals we’ve set for ourselves, then use the excuse “I will do it tomorrow,” we are lying! Here are a couple examples: I can take it easy today, tomorrow I’ll get ______ done. I can eat excessively today, tomorrow I’ll eat healthy. I can buy this, there is another paycheck coming and I’ll make up the difference. The truth is tomorrow never really comes. NOW is the time to make the change.

One of my favorite exercises to help me understand if I’m lying to myself comes from “The Work” by Byron Katie. She has written several books which demonstrate how to use these questions; her website can also walk you through the exercise. Her questions are a great way to take a look at the things you are telling yourself. These are her questions:

1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

Following Byron Katie’s steps is a great way to check in, to see if you’re being honest with yourself.

I am not saying that we should never eat out, lose sleep for something important, buy something not in our planned budgets, or relax and watch a movie. What I am saying is that when we do, it is so important to be honest with ourselves about it. Lying to yourself or to anyone else is destructive. Be open about what you choose to do. Matthew 5:37 says: “Let your communication be, Yea, yea: Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.” I used to think that this applied only to swearing. But I’m beginning to understand that what it’s really talking about is honesty in our speech and thoughts about how we are using our life commodities. The key is understanding that we have a choice in everything we do. No excuses!

The three things I mentioned above are gifts that God has given us. We choose how we use them in this lifetime. As we learn to be honest about how we’re using these gifts, we will find greater freedom in our lives. Take a look at what you are telling yourself and others, and ask: Am I being totally honest?