Throwing the Baby out with the Bathwater!

I imagine most of you have heard of this term, but let’s talk about it in a new way. In our culture, when someone makes a mistake, they are automatically bad and we often take on the belief that they cannot change. We even do it to ourselves. Rather than say I DID something bad, we believe we ARE bad. We are figuratively throwing out the clean baby with the muddy bathwater we just cleaned him in. Should we be so quick to judge and condemn? Could it be that we are not seeing a whole person in only one act?

This quote, from the book From Heartache to Healing, really struck me: “Stay yourselves; do not give way to Satan’s urging to attack those who have done wrong; don’t make any hasty moves, you may be saved. If a spirit of bitterness is in you, don’t be in haste. You may say, that man is a sinner. Well, if he repents, he shall be forgiven. Be cautious, await.” -Joseph Smith

Reading this quote was a big ah-ha moment for me! Until I forgive others, my thoughts of their injustices hold them in that space. My negative feelings may prevent them from making the changes they need to make. As soon as we say “s/he will never change,” we place a chain around that person’s ankles, just as we do when we say “I cannot change.” This is not to say that people can’t overcome our beliefs about them and make changes, but we may make it harder for them to do so.

I often think that I have it all together, that I have forgiven everyone and that I love everyone without judgement. But after reading this, I realized that I do still have people in my life that I condemn. I have a younger brother who would do anything to help me if I had a need, but he is always making comments about what others are doing. I am sure that he thinks he is being funny, but it comes across as judgmental, hurtful, caustic, and shaming. Handling this has been difficult. I usually just ignore it, but it still hurts. It is especially painful when he says things about the paths my children have chosen. It has become very difficult for me to be around him. I avoid spending time with him. My children are uncomfortable around him. I have come to assume that he is going to say something hurtful and that he will never change. I have condemned him. Until I give him the chance to treat me with kindness, I make change that much more difficult. I need to keep him in my life and throw out his bathwater.

This is why our perception of others is so important. It is the reason we have been commanded not to judge others, our beliefs about them make it harder for them to change. Think about Christ; He loved everyone, He forgave them, healed them and then asked them to “sin no more” (John 8:11). He gave them space and a reason to change. Spiritually, I understand. And I am now seeing how this works in terms of the natural law of attraction. This is a huge topic, but its essence is this: Our thoughts are like magnets attracting into our lives the things that we believe. Now I can see how our thoughts affect others. When we judge, worry, and complain about others it strengthens the magnet keeping them where they are. It makes it more difficult for them to make changes.

In 1993 the World Peace Group did a study in Washington DC. Using transcendental meditation, they meditated for increased peace in the city. They did this every day for 8 weeks during the summer when violent crimes are at their peak. They were amazed to find that the number of violent crimes began dropping, and had dropped by 23% by the end of 8 weeks. The numbers began to rise again after the 8 weeks was over. When positive, loving thoughts of peace were sent into the atmosphere, it calmed the masses and their propensity toward crime decreased. This is amazing! And if thoughts affected people that the meditators were not even acquainted with, imagine how our thoughts about the people in our lives affect them.

So the big question is: What am I thinking and feeling that is holding myself and others back from changing, from accomplishing their dreams and visions? This is why forgiveness is so important. By forgiving ourselves and others for things in the past, we make space for change. Judging and condemning others holds them back. In the future when the thought comes to your mind that “He/she will never change!” ask yourself: Am I throwing the baby out with the bathwater?